decisions

okay, so i have difficulty deciding what i should eat for dinner

but when it comes to real stuff, i just leap.

it's not even like a concious decision, i just do something. i can never hang in this uncertain balance. i seldom weigh my options, and if i do, it causes unmentionable paralysis.

so, maybe i make the wrong decision.
it can't be so much more painful than the waiting period that not deciding requires

and now i realize as i write these lines that i am thinking in german and translating to english, and the german is more likely than not broken german and what happens then, when your brain starts working in a language that you don't really speak?......

Succumb

26 years of having successfully avoided any comprehension of american politics, outside of a general feeling of mistrust that i believe is genetically inherited when born on Canadian soil, I am grudgingly embarking on a study of the electoral campaign of Howard Dean.

It's not that I'm entirely clueless. I am fairly familiar with the war(lord) politics and policies of the States. I just try and stay away from knowing too much about things tha piss me off that I can do nothing about.

But there you have it. First the Lord Hutton Report, and now this.

double plus super unhealthy

gripped by the regular sleeping malfunction
multiannual event....

can't wake up in the morning, can't sleep at night....

too many cigarettes and no normal routine.
why are cigarettes so damn hard to leave behind??
I hate them .... the smell, the taste. i feel like crap after i smoke too much.
why can't i stop?

where does one go to find a routine?

they should auction them on eBay.

Soylent Green is people

What a day this has been

I am dizzy from the ups and downs

The disorientation of too many uncertainties, sensations...

i discovered that in part this has to do with language. I need to speak a language fluently, I don't care if it's english, but that's the only one I have at my disposal so far, to reaffirm my personality.

The fragments of my mind can only come together with the fluency of words, elucidated communication ... the sincere feeling of exchange on an equal footing.